A Rough Patch

Hey everyone!

Well, my regular 2-week check-in has slowly turned into a 2-month one...yikes! Sorry for the long delay...the rollarcoaster life of Honduras has continued to have its adventurous ups and downs...

Hmmm...where to start...

Well, about a month and a half ago, I went through the dreaded 'culture shock' syndrome, and it was not-so-fun. I was incredibly homesick for a good 3 weeks, as well as physically sick with the worse 3-day virus I've ever experienced...blah!!! I wanted nothing but to return home. I had no desire to be here, and I even started looking for jobs (even those in spanish!) and potential grad schools to start back home...I seriously thought that, if I hadn't already made travel plans with my sister and friend in January, I would have very quickly booked a flight back home. It was definitely a rough stretch, because I also switched my job in the baby house for 2 weeks, and I was no longer working with 7 babes ages 2 to 4 but with a whopping 37 boys ages 4 to 10...whom had no desire to listen to me, their new tia. It was complete chaos! I also switched my weekend rotation, which meant I was working with a whole new group of co-workers and had my break weekends to relax with a different group of volunteers. And amidst the transition, I had my camera and half of my month's stipend stolen from me on the city bus...NO FUN!!!! Lots of new stuff and worries after having been here for about 4.5 months made for an uncomfortable combination and long stretch which I just had to 'get through.'

Well, thanks be to God, I have made it past the rough hump and am now on the up-swing with things...back to enjoying the culture...time with my godson and time at my new church with new friends...and the warm weather! And of course the Christmas season is always fun, especially with the anticipation of dozens of little kids filling the air! Each day with my little kiddies, I try to share the Christmas story of Jesus' birth as we munch on bon bons (suckers) from the daily calendar. Last night, we planned the grand 'Cena Navideña'...the biggest, best dinner of the year for the kids and staff! It was the true beginning of the Christmas excitement for me.=) The kids and staff are also currently constructing a huge nativity scene in the middle of the baby house, so I can't wait to see that finished! I know that I will definitely miss celebrating Christ's birth with my family back home, but I am very excited to experience Christmas here with so many children...the word 'magical' comes to mind, especially since I know that SO many ex-volunteers return here year after here for the holiday!! I will let you know how it goes! Though I must say, I am definitely missing the Christmas tunes in english right now...

Though things have been going better for me, I do have a big prayer request I want to share with y'all. I absolutely love my little kiddies with whom I work, and I really fall more in love with them everyday, but I am still considering a job switch here on the Ranch. I am constantly exhausted here and work a lot more than the other volunteers, so I really struggle with this and my lack of energy for the kids most...if not every...day. There is a job opening right now in the office which translates letters to and from the children and their monthly sponsors. I feel that this job could be interesting for me since I'm a madrina myself, but I do not want to switch jobs for the wrong reasons or against what God wants and has for me here as a volunteer. Please pray that His will be done, and that if I need to step out of my own physical feelings and selfishness, I would do so. If I switch jobs, I will still be working with my kids in the baby house, but just for dinner each night and every other weekend. And I still plan to do my Bible classes with them!

Well, amidst the struggles and longings for home and comfort, I have reminded myself almost daily to laugh and find joy in the little things I experience with the kids. I've made mental notes of the things that make me laugh or smile each day, and I will try to share those things with you the best that I can:

Daily 'warm fuzzies', courtesy of my little babes:

1. Little Kevin, age 4, who asks me 2 questions EVERY day: 'Where do you live?' ('Kevin, I live in my house, close to the boys' dorms on the other side of the Ranch') And, 'Can you remove your finger?' (I have a trick I do with the kids that my dad taught me as a kid...I act like I'm taking off my finger...the kids totally love it!) I think the 2^nd question is asked like 5 times a day, actually, though I only actually do the trick like twice a day...the other times I have to disappoint him and tell him that I just can't do it because it hurts too much....haha!

2. Little Maynor, age 3, who tries desperately to explains things to me all the time, but because his language can't keep up with his busy, intelligent mind, he ends up spouting out a couple of words with much exasperation...I giggle every time, and he just smiles back at me with his, 'thanks for understanding me, Jenna' look.=)

3. Josue, age 4, who randomly has his moments of extreme joy in which he is jumping up and down and giggling profusely...for no apparent reason...all I want to do is hug him and jump with him.=)

4. Mauricio, age 8, who daily comes and hugs me during meals at my table. At first it was so precious and I thought he really loved me, and then he daily started asking me for the food in front of me which he knows I don't like...aprovechado! These kids are more obsessed with food than me, it's hilarious.

5. The fact that 8-year-old girls can kick my butt in soccer makes me both laugh...and cry.

6. Jarvin, age 4, who rolls his spanish Rs (rrrrrrrrrrr) like no one I've ever heard...he needs to teach me his spanish...his is beautiful and hilarious at the same time!

7. Every once in a while on the weekends, we head to a big field in a nearby town with all of the kids from the Ranch. Because the walk is too long for the little kids, we pack all 60-SOMETHING of them into the back of a big truck, and though the trip is only a few miles, it is the funniest yet most dangerous thing of my life. All the kids have to stand, but every time we make a turn or go over a bump, they are falling all over each other, screaming and hitting each other. Also, there is not back door to the truck, so the Tios have to guard the back with their life so that the kids don't fall out. I feel so bad for the little kids who are always getting crushed on our 20-minute tour, but at the same time I can't help but laugh..only in Honduras! It's a 'you have to be there!' kind of experience!

Ok, so there are many more little moments, but those will have to come in a later post!! Don't want to bore you all too much...

Sending you all my LOVE, HUGS, and CHRISTMAS BLESSINGS!!!! May the Lord bless your Christmas moments with His love, peace, joy, and incredible presence. Glory to God in the highest!

“Come to Bethlehem and see Him whose birth the angels sing;

Come adore on bended knee—Christ, the Lord, the newborn King!”

95% Catracha

So this weekend completes my first 4 months here in Honduras...the period of time in which most people back home told me I would begin feeling more comfortable with the culture, lifestyle, language, etc here. And, I must say, all of the words from the wise were definitely true...I officially feel Honduran...or like a "Catracha." Of course I will never be 100% Catracha since I'm way too tall, way too white, and way too blonde...but...I sure can try to fit in here for a while, can't I? Here are some recent acquisitions I've made my own here:

1. I use the words, "pucha!" (shoot!), "cheque" (cool), "fresa" (cool, fresh), and "Que onda, vos?" (What's up, dude/man/etc) WAY too much here! Just trying to talk the slang of the locals!

2. I've started regularly doing the 'exaggerated finger snapping' motion that the Hondurans do when they're really excited or emotional about something...it's hilarious.

3. Last week, for the first time, I ran out of 'saldo' (balance) on my cell phone. Everyone's cell phone minutes here are bought in given amounts of minutes (or lempiras), and EVERYONE in Honduras seems to run out of 'saldo.' It drives me nuts, 'cause people are always asking to use my phone since they don't have any saldo. Well, I finally ran out of my own saldo after everyone continued to use mine!!

4. I drink my coffee (nearly every day now!) just like a Catracho...not too strong, and with sugar. I always assumed that, since much of the coffee we drink in the U.S. is produced here, the majority of the people here would drink their coffee 'straight up' with nothing added...but I was wrong. Everyone needs azucar with their drink!

5. I have begun hanging out with Hondurans during my free time. The first few months, when I wasn't working, the last thing I wanted to do was continue to talk in spanish! But now, I'm really interested in seeing the lives my employees life outside of work. I visited my fellow 'tia' at her house 20 min. away from here this week, and I'm planning to visit other co-workers' houses and towns in the near future! YAY. Their lifestyles are so interesting, and I'm all about free baleadas (flour tortillas, fried beans, and mantequilla).

6. I finally understand the difference between 'quesillo' (a sweeter, better cheese here) and 'queso' (regular, not-as-good cheese:); I was confused for a while!!:) And I made the big mistake of buying queso instead of quesio once...my godson was not too happy.

7. I'm doing what I can to make things from scratch...tortillas, cakes, breads...and trying to improvise with whatever we already have at a given time...saving the little money I make is a great thing! And I'm finally learning to cook---WHEW.

8. I can finally do the girls' hair here like the Hondurans do...it was really tough for a while...they do it so perfectly! In general, the Hondurans are very up on personal appearance...I'm always impressed. And I love that everyone here uses gel in their hair (hence, "gelatina" in my previous post's title...never got around to talking about it!)...the kids are so dang cute when I put it in their hair for school!

9. I frequently call people "guapa/o" (good-looking) 0r even my "novio" (boyfriend...ha!), and I use the word, "feo" (ugly) to describe not-so-good things...some of the most common words here.:)

10. I get just as excited as the kids when there's pan, leche, and arroz for dinner (bread, milk, and rice)!! Anything but beans, please!

11. I finally use a sombrilla (umbrella). Never in my life have I owned an umbrella...I always just ran through the rain quick or used my rain jacket. You can't buy rain jackets here (just sombrias everywhere!), but there's been TONS of rain for this rainy season...it lasts for 6 months here, until December. From Jan. to June there's nothing but dry heat!

12. I actually know a tad bit about the big wide world of soccer/futbol...can you believe it?! Sorry, bro! And I've seen the lines outside of the fast food joints in the big city after Honduras wins...free food for everyone!! Totally cool.

13. I've actually watched parts of a telenovela (the infamous spanish soap operas)...and I must emphasize the fact that it happened ONCE...it's all I could handle...haha! And the television acting is definitely not up-to-par with Hollywood standards...well, maybe Full House, but that's it!!!:)

There you have it, the life and times of the new Honduranian...besitos and abrazos to you all!!

P.S. Please note that, in the pic of me with the ladies, I am actually totally croutching down...and I'm still huge! Eek!

Responsibilidades, Enfermadades, Polvo y...Gelatina??

Hey folks...wow, I am continuing to slack on my blog updates here...sorry! I have a good excuse this time, though...well, several, actually, so THERE!:) Ok, so it's been about a month...



Well from mid-September until the beginning of October, I struggled with my first bout of true homesickness...for about 3 weeks. It was a tough stretch, and I think that a variety of things contributated to this...many announcements from home about engagements, babies, pregnancies, etc; thoughts of the beauty of fall in Minnesota (Sept is my fave month there!); birthdays, and my own stretch of physical sickness on and off for the same period of time...blah! God has shown me so much about the gifts of the people He's given me back home...I have really learned to never take for granted the amazing people that come into my life! I miss you all oodles!



Mid-Sept. also marked a whole new world of responsibilites for me in my job. My fellow 'tia', my sort-of supervisor and co-worker with my 6 chiquitos here, left for her 5 1/2-week vacation on Sept. 20th, also leaving me with all of her responsibilities surrounding the daily medications for all the kids, key-entry access to all of important doors involved in my job, the 'training-in' responsibilites for the new 'tia' substitute, daily chores, etc. I was definitely ready for the new challenge, yet also definitely beyond nervous, because I had to work with a new girl who wasn't used to my 'beginner' spanish (as well as my nice gringa accent:) and with whom I had to instruct in EVERYTHING...in spanish...yikes!! Also, I knew that the medications at this time were many for my kids (they all were sick with me:), so I was a tad overwhelmed with the list in front of me everyday...

WHEW! Ah, well...lo and behold, God was once again faithful in EVERYthing. The 'new girl' turned out to be super nice, super talkative (which at first was super tough because she talks REALLY fast...ayyy!), and a very helpful support. Yes, sometimes she tries to run the joint (I've been humbled constantly when others underestimate my spanish...being put into the shoes of a foreigner has taught me incredible amounts which I cannot verse here), but it's been good for me to learn to be more confident in my abilities as both a Tia here and as a spanish speaker.

Also, God has once again reminded me of my purpose here at the Ranch through these new responsibilities. One of my little kids is HIV positive (there are about 30 kids here with HIV), and so each day when I give him his meds I am reminded of how precious life is, and just the huge contribution I can make to each little one's life here. I am also reminded of the gift of NPH for each of these kids...many have come from horrible and hopeless situations and have been brought to a place of support, love, and definitely a bright future...it is so beautiful. He has not forgotten a single one of these children.

God's voice also spoke to me loud and clear when I attended my first english church service here a few weeks back. Firstly, during the service, I was shocked to realize that, right away, I really missed the challenge of the spanish language. I couldn't believe it! I thought I'd enjoy the ease of the english language, but I actually felt kinda weird throughout the service. Wow. What a long way the Lord has brought me...little steps day by day add up to so much! And as I write today, I can honestly tell you that, after nearly 4 months of living in Honduras, I have been brought to a whole new level with the language...in comfort, confidence, ability, and ease...wow. He does work miracles...haha. And why did I doubt so much, again?

But what God REALLY spoke to me through that service that day actually continually brings me to a place of humility and serves as a reminder to keep my eyes and my praise focused on Him. The message that day was all about how we, as God's servants, are dust (polvo)...fading like the flowers...gone in the blink of an idea. We often set out on these big 'missions' from God, ready to conquer the world and ready to receive all of His blessings and hand-outs along the way. We often expect God to revolve Himself around OUR plans and OUR great good-doings rather than allowing ourselves to revolve completely around Him. I was brought to a place of conviction during the sermon, because ever since I'd set out on these 'big journey' from God that was obviously not in MY plan of things, I've focused a lot on myself, my needs, my survival, my accompishments, my 'winning of souls' rather than allowing myself to be completely moldable clay in the Potter's great hands.
I've learned that I was not brought here to become famous for God, to be known, to make drastic changes at NPH, to show-off my true intelligence and skills, etc...
I have been brought here to die unto myself...my pre-conceived notions, my desires, my 'abilities' or lack-there-of...my will, my way, my emotions, my all. And oh, I am far from a finished project. But in this stripping process...this place of, at times, absolute nothingness, one thing seems to glimmer ever more brightly with time. One thing remains when all else is stripped away. One voice rises above the rest.
'LOVE.'
Love these kids with all that you are...with all that I, the great I AM, am making you to be...
Love these kids when you don't feel like it.
Hold the hugs. And give them frequently. The children yearn for physical touch.
Don't stop telling the kids that you love them. Do it every day. And remind them how much I love them, too.
Encourage them daily. And stop when they ask you question. No question is too impertinent or too often repeated.
Smile. Tell them how beautiful they are.
Praise them. And acknowledge each one's presence.
It's what Jesus would do.
And you may be the only Jesus they ever encounter.
Just give them Jesus.

Out of time...will write more soon!

Life is Beautiful

Here are just a few pics of some of the activities that have been happening on the Ranch in the last few weeks...

Back in August we had the annual 'Olympiadas' games here on the Ranch...so fun...and my team actually won (well, duh, right?)! So this past week, a total of probably about 50 of us packed into a bus and headed to the big city for lunch at Pizza Hut...yummmm...and a movie at the cinema. It was a great experience for me...and the first time I had been to a spanish theater. The movie was the latest one with Eddy Murphy (can't remember the name), so of course it wasn't too tough to follow...haha. And it was so cute to see these kids in the big city...they don't get off of the Ranch much, so so many things are novelty for them...escalators, movie theater seats (they thought they were broken because they folded up on them...ha!), bathroom sinks with hand-sensored water, soap that looks like 'shampoo'...hilarious!! So many things we take for granted...

The past couple of weeks have also been full of random festivities...
A few of us took a trip to another city that had its annual "Corn Festival," which resembled the Minnesota State Fair, so that was a great taste of home for me! And the honey-covered apples were glorious, though incredibly sticky.:) I even went with a fellow MN volunteer, so there was plenty to reminisce about.

One of my little chiquitos turned 4 at the end of August, so 2 weeks ago we had a big Honduran-style little-kid bday party for him, which included plantains with quesio, a pinata (of COURSE! It ain't a party here without a pinata!), plenty of candy, and of course cake. So fun, but definitely crazy with about a dozen 5-and-under kids running around my house!

I've also just learned that September is the month of holidays here...Last week was El Dia del Nino (Kids' Day), which included nothing but games (with pinatas) during school and lots of sugar-coated food. This week is the Honduras Independence Day, so on Friday the kids participated in a parade close by...they were so cute in their little outfits for it! Then I guess the next week is Teacher's Day...and I've also heard that October is a big month for holidays, so it should be fun! I'll keep you all posted on the activities.

By the way, I must note that I made my first batch of flour tortillas from scratch on Friday...I felt so cool...haha. I had Fernando (my godson) over for the day, and all he requested for lunch was flour tortillas with quesio (a kind of cheese here)...it was great. Finally I was able to relax with him for a bit...there usually isn't much time for that here!

Prayer request: This week I am starting a "Bible School" for my little chiquitos...this is something I felt led to do, but I'm a bit nervous about teaching a dozen kids this much in spanish! It will be a good challenge, and I hope that kids will love it.

I hope all is well up north...I've been beginning to feel that I won't be able to make it a whole year without returning home to see y'all!

Milagros y Misericordia

Hey all, I'm back! Sorry for such a gap in time since my last post...life continues to get more and more busy as I slowly integrate myself into the culture here. And...there have been quite the random happenings in the past couple of weeks that I'll make note of here...hence, my title: "Miracles and Mercy."
(Don't think I'm even slightly close to being fluent yet...I had to look the 2nd word up in my dictionary...haha!)

Well, a couple of weeks back, we here at the Ranch experienced quite the scare. Three of our volunteers and one of the Ranch's employees were involved in a pretty serious accident. They were hitching a ride in the back of a truck when it spun out of control and rolled into a ditch. The four passengers were all obviously flown from the truck and had serious injuries...BUT, by the grace of God, they are all ok...in much better condition than they should be after such an accident. Only one of them had any broken bones, though all of their heridas y cortadas (injuries and cuts) were definitely not sparse. The recovery process for them has been slow for each (involving casts, crutches, and stitches), but with such a big team here, we've been able to support them pretty sufficiently (I hope:). (By the way, Mom, I'm really sorry if I made you worry even more with this story--all is OK!!:)

Well, shortly after the accident, I had my own personal little miracle (ok, tiny in comparison to the previous story, but a miracle nonetheless). But it didn't start out that way...
Well, my injured roomie Tezra was the only one home one afternoon when one of the orphans here walked into our house (only the screen door was closed). He walked right into my room and I guess sat down on my roomie's bed. Tezra tried to get him to leave, but he was resistent (I found out later that there's been lots of difficulties with this young boy here), so she left to go call someone for help. He then walked out of our house rather ubruptly, leaving Tezra feeling a bit emotional and violated.
Later that night, I heard the story. And an hour or so later, I decided to show my roomie one of the pics I had recently taken on my (less than 1-yr-old) camera. Well, lo and behold, the camera was not there. Right away I knew where it most likely was...or had been...in the hands of this little boy. So...the search and recovery process for my beloved Canon quickly ensued. The story is long, and I will spare the details, but I was stressed for a couple of days because the boy admitted having taken the camera, but we couldn't find it where he stated he left it...and the day after he had entered our house, his brother mysteriously fled from the Ranch for a couple of days. Of course I had my presumptions. Of course I felt violated. And angry. And I couldn't believe this kid who had lied so many times before. Oh, and mustn't I mention that I felt bummed about my cute little material item being...as far I as I knew...long gone. I really was just a ball of emotions, but I tried to keep it all in the Lord's hands.
And guess what happened 4 days later?
The camera was recovered. AND it was found very close to where the boy claimed to have lost it.
BUT...
It had been left outside in one of the BIGGEST rain storms I've experienced here yet.
The lens was completely washed out.
The buttons didn't work.
It was all beat up.
BUT...I could turn it on.
There was hope.
But I still cried when I saw it. (Ok, ok, I know it was just a camera, but I think I was having a hard day that day...or something)

SO...I waited. I pried open the face of the camera to dry to air it out...and I tried to be patient.
A couple of days later, I could see through the screen...but the buttons still weren't working. And then a couple more days later, the buttons worked, but my lens wasn't zooming in and out correctly.
But then...finally...I could take pictures. And man, my camera takes good pictures, if I do say so myself.:) I was so happy. Who woulda thought that such a little gadget could have such a big story behind it!

So...aside from the functioning of my camera, I went through a process of trying deal with my emotions with this boy...it was a prayerful process, and through it God taught me about mercy, forgiveness, and love...it's a freeing feeling to be able to look at someone who has somehow violated you and still really care about that person. I know the story may be a little one in comparison to other stories of forgiveness, but God spoke big through it, so I had to share.:)

Wow, I have more to say, but this post is WAY too long, and in an effort to keep you from (more) boredom, I'll write more in a couple of days, and I'll add pics, too!

Honduranisms 'n Such

Hey everyone! Well, this past weekend marked 2 months for me here in Honduras...wow, the time has flown by. Well, some days it feels as though time couldn't move slower...but overall, I can't believe how fast everything seems to be moving.
I feel like I've been here long enough now to have a decent-sized list of all the random idiosyncrasies, rarities, hilarities, and the-like with regards to this place. I also feel like I've learned and re-learned some interesting things...here goes...

1. Cockroaches, lice, and water and electricity outages are simply parts of life. Deal with these peculiarities, and they will soon become your friends.:) Mornings with no water no longer really faze me, and loss of electricity has led to many adventures...haha. One night I even was finally able to just glance up at the stars and truly enjoy them while I waited for light...God will use whatever He wants to make us STOP sometimes.

2. Never, ever, EVER take hot showers for granted. Pretty please. They are the most glorious thing God has created...almost.:)

3. If I never again in my life eat beans, I don't feel as though I will be missing out on anything. At all.

4. Saying good-night to kids is one of my most favorite things in the whole wide world. Especially saying the Numbers 6 blessing to them...both in english and spanish:)

5. It really is quite fun to improvise when you don't have all of the proper kitchen utensils...it has become one of my most recent hobbies, actually (that, and jaloning:).

6. The generosity here never ceases to amaze me. Wow. I mean, little kids will even give you their CANDY. I am in heaven.:)

7. Only in Honduras will you see several kids under the age of 8 using machetes...all at once. And they've got way more skills than I do!

8. Sometimes I forget that dishwashers, disposals, and air conditioners really do exist. Weird.

9. You will never find a list of safety rules on any sort of playground equipment here. There really are no safety rules or precautions...anywhere. And yet, I think the kids here get hurt just as much as the kids in the US do...so interesting...yet more nerve-racking for me, at times.:)

10. The phrase, "EN SERIO?!" is definitely my favorite spanish phrase...as well as the Honduran lingo that I am slowly learning here...

11. Fried plantains have changed my life!

12. The rainy days here (well, that's almost every day right now:) are way better. Seriously. I can't explain it. LOOOOVE it.

13. The most exciting thing about taking trips to Tegucigalpa (well, aside from the bus ride) is the FOOD. En serio. Oh man, that's all I crave when I know I'm going to the city. Crepes never tasted SO good.:)

14. Who woulda thought that exchanging money in the street with random hoodlums could really be so legit and easy??? haha! Seriously!

15. The kids' favorite things to say here are, "Regaleme!" (give me!) and "Enseneme!" (show me!) I think I hear these phrases like 67 times a day.

16. You guys thought I was a sugar fiend in the US...wow, it's gotten worse here! I can never get enough sugar! We all eat so much here, it's crazy...must be all the changes...

17. Only here on El Rancho can adults get away with calling kids, "Usted," "Tu, and "Vos" in the same sentence! It's madness, I tell you.

18. Wanna win a kids' heart here? Just keep bakin' pasteles (cakes:). That's all they really want...ha.

19. Leave your shoes outside on your porch overnight, and they'll be gone the next day. Seriously. I miss my NewBs. Tengan cuidado!

20. I've really come to LOVE the slow pace here, and the fact that I have to walk everywhere...even miles...to get somewhere. I really don't miss my car! It's so freeing. And I get my workout in every day, right?:)

21. The Honduran people really work SO hard...I get exhausted just thinking about it...they are my heroes!! If only I had that kind of work ethic...whew.

22. The 'in' music here (aside from Reggaeton...blah!) includes all of the goodies from the 80s and 90s...Whitney, Bon Jovi, Michael Jackson...etc. It's tremendously amazing and hilarious at the same time!

23. This country truly is BEAUTIFUL, and I'm in love! Ahhhh...if only I didn't have to wear bug repellent everywhere I went!:)

24. The "Padre Nuestro" (Our Father) prayer is beautiful...especially when the kids say it. Oh, anytime they pray is SO great...absolutely love it.

25. Public nose picking is definitely more kosher here...haha...I see it way more often than I do in the States...ha!

26. I love love some of the names here (hey, they all get 4 names instead of 3, no fair!). Two of my favorites: Dulce Milagro (Sweet Miracle!), and any of the names that include, "de Jesus"...Luis de Jesus, Benjamin de Jesus, etc...so interesting!

27. The men here are even more confusing than the ones in the US. HAHA. That's my closure.

Hope you enjoyed though, y'all! I'm sure there will be even more to share soon. So stay tuned!
Love you all!
Please keep praying for me...I need all I can get...

Everything and Nothing

Wow, life has quickly gotten very exhausting! My days are full, yet at the same time I feel so stripped by God. He has really brought me to a place of weakness in many areas...but I must glory in Him in knowing that His strength is filling the gaps...even when I can't feel it.

Here's a run-down of my usual schedule:

6-8 AM: Up with my 6 kiddos (ages 19 months-almost 4 years), shower them, dress them, change diapers, feed them breakfast, brush their teeth, change them into their uniforms, do the girls' hair, send them off to school...make sure to give lots of hugs and kisses.:)

8:05-11:55 AM: Mi descanso! A break for a few hours to email, eat, relax, nap, and just hang out with Jesus.

Noon-8 PM: Get the kids from school, change them out of their uniforms, feed them lunch, put a couple of them down for naps, free-time play, organize their clean clothes, change more diapers, read with them, outdoor play, dinner, brush teeth, shower them again, change them into pjs, say good-night, wash dirty cloth diapers by hand, get uniforms from the laundry room, organize dirty clothes for the laundry the next day, do any extra chores (dependent on the day), etc....

So yes, my days are full! And I am currently on a 14-day work week, because the Ranch will have its "Olympiadas" next weekend, which I will have to work. Ah, I love it all some days, and other days I really wonder what the heck I'm doing here. Many times I feel like I'm not using my 'gifts' (according to me, that is:), other times I don't see God in my day-in, day-out tasks (especially in those poopy diapers), and still other times I don't feel like I'm loving my kids or the people around me as I could or should...there definitely is no feel-good 'glory' in serving others daily with no 'seen' reward...and I am learning to try to glorify God in the small things...which, when it really comes down to it, are the things of utmost worth and importance. A life of integrity is the toughest yet most God-glorifying life one can live. I'm learning to keep pressing on when I don't see...anything. It's really hard some days. I'm used to those crazy relationships with students, parents, kids, in which I can communicate well and show my true personality...and in which I appear to see fruit...I guess "There is a time to speak...and a time to be silent."

Right now, God is speaking to me (for the first time in Spanish!) with one word...
"Espera."
Wait, child.

Wait for Me to bring you those relationships you are seeking. It is in your waiting that I will become Lord of these relationships. Let me ordain the relationships in your life, so that I can receive greater glory, and so that you may keep me King of these relationships.

Wait for Me to give you each and every word you need to speak in each and every occasion. Don't try to hold on so tight to what you are learning and what you have to 'prove' to everyone back home and here.

Wait for Me to show you My glory through you while here. Don't lean on your own understanding of 'your ministry,' but rather just wait...and glorify Me through it all...and through this you will see your purpose...My purpose.

Wait on me with your struggles. I am emptying you so that I may become more in your life. Trust me. When you don't see Me, when you don't feel Me, when you don't sense My strength...Trust me. When you have no one, no place, nothing to trust in or lean on...choose Me.

AMEN. So here I am...waiting...and the next chapter is the Lord's.

Ever Mindful

Hey gang! Well, this is it...my very last day in Honduras before the start of my official job here at NPH. Tomorrow I begin my work with the babies of Casa Suyapa, but not until noon, so that's great! My regular work days will begin at 5:30 AM! Yowzas. Life has been a whirlwind the past 2 weeks, and today was the first day in which I had NOTHING planned...it's been great. I slept in until 9, had breakfast with the visitors here from my old church, and then took a nap at noon. I've been told that napping becomes the volunteers' best friend here, which I can totally see becoming fact for me as well. We're all exhausted everyday, but it's been good. The group is getting along great, and we're all ready and excited to start our jobs tomorrow. I hope that I'm able to remain in good touch once the 'real deal' begins, 'cause I'll be working 50+-hour work weeks from here on out!
Let's see...wow, the ride has definitely continued to be full of ups and downs...some days are amazing and I wonder if I'll ever leave this place, and other days I'm totally frustrated and wonder if I'll ever really survive here...ha! I am still constantly praying about my attitude with the language...I'm excited to get over that hurdle for sure. But the biggest thing that God has been showing me over the past 2 weeks has been His mindfulness of me and my EVERY need. I can't even begin to tell you how many 'little' things He's been working out for me every single day. Sometimes I feel like I pray about something, and my prayer is answered within hours...it's unbelievable. There are so many examples, and they cannot be expressed in a blog, but a few of them include a small community for me to pray with every week, many conversations with the kids about God, the little kids' LOVE for my 'Pajama Bible' that my mom bought for them, random people we have met on our travels to and from the big city, and a few little necessities that I forgot or couldn't afford to buy that have just been placed in my lap. WOW. The Creator of the Universe is AWARE of my very need, hears my every prayer, and DELIGHTS in showering me with His good gifts and presence. I am in awe of how such a Worthy God would find pleasure in such an unworthy servant as me. Why He would choose ME, a sinful, selfish, even lazy (I know, hard to believe, huh?) human to declare His good works and advance His kingdom unto SO many people. He wants to do SO much here.
PLEASE pray that I am a faithful instrument of His goodness. I want so badly for His spirit to move in this place, and I do not in ANY way want to stifle His work. Please pray that I keep my standard at His and that I remain pure and holy in my thoughts, words, and actions here. I want to become less so that He can become MORE! And please pray that He gives me His divine love and patience for everyone here!
Love you all!

P.S. I tried to post pics here but for some reason was having trouble...I will try again soon! Sorry!

A Plethora of Adventures

Hey everyone, I'm now at my final destination for my stay in Honduras: Nuestros Pequenos Hermanos, the orphanage which I call home. Our group of volunteers arrived here late Sat. night, and we've been touring the place for orientation ever since. Of course my highlight here thus far has been getting to see my godson, as well as the many kids whom I know so well. I was SO excited to share my surprise 1-year stay with Fernando...unfortunately, when I first saw him, he was watching a video (his favorite thing, it seems), so I didn't get quite the reaction that I was anticipating...haha. But our time together, though minimal, has been great so far...wow, I really love all of these kids.

Well, I better sum of the rest of my stay in Copan...it was great, though I was really getting antsy to just get here, since the orphanage was my purpose for this trip...I don't make the best tourist! But I did get a chance to do a lot of great things, since our school sponsors a fun outing for its students each week. I went to Parque de Aves, a sweet bird park with plenty of tropical birds to perch on you, the gorgeous hot springs nearby (I felt like I was on some tropical island while we were there! It was surreal), and the famous Mayan Ruins (weird and cool at the same time:). I also spent time getting to know my awesome host family, other American students there, and my maestro...all of whom I know I'm going to miss! I'm really hoping to go back to Copan in 6 months or so and show off my much-improved spanish...haha.:)

Well, the 3 days here at the orphanage have been pretty overwhelming for everyone; we're all super tired (even those fluent in spanish, haha)!! We are a very big group of newbies...18 in total...and there are 10 girls sharing a dorm room right now...ayyyy caramba! But thus far there have been no cat fights.:) The culture of it all is so interesting...there are volunteers from Germany, Holand, Belgium, and Spain, and there is a good group of us from MN as well.:) The difficulty has been figuring out what language to speak with each other...I guess in the past, the volunteers have just gravitated to english during down time, but now a few in the group don't speak english well, so many times there's a convo. in spanish while another in english...cool, but kind of awkward sometimes!

Let's see...prayer requests...please just pray about God's calling for me here...I feel like there's so much I can do to serve everyone around me, but I don't even know where to start. Well, LOVE will do for now, right?:) I know I have been called to be a light here, but I can't let my feelings of inadequecy keep me from a-shinin'. I will be spending a good amount of time w/the volunteers for another week and a half, until my job with my babies officially starts...so there is lots of transition continuing!

LOVE AND MISS YOU ALL!
Keep in touch! I love hearing from you!

"If I speak in tongues of men and angels...but have not love...I am nothing.

Love never fails."

-1 Corinthians 13:1,8

A Love Story...

Hey everyone! Greetings from my 5th day in Copan, Honduras.
Wow, it's beautiful here. Mountains. Tons of green life. The smell of Honduras that brings back so many memories. God is so good to me.
But I must tell you, it's been really tough trying to learn the language here, and I've been learning how to lean on Him for everything I need...something I definitely need to work on. I so easily try to take everything on with my own strength, and I just can't do it. I need Him in EVERYthing! All of it. TODO.

Well, here's the story of my travels thus far...
I arrived in Honduras on Saturday, the 21st. Immediately I felt a bit alone. I had never arrived in the San Pedro Sula airport before, and I knew I would have to travel 4 more hours on my own in a foreign country...ayyy. But God was so present that day...I found peace and relaxation as the day wore on and the beautiful travels ensued. When I finally arrived in Copan at 10 PM, I found it surprisingly easy to speak with my host family...a solid Christian family with lots of love, laughter, and generosity.

Sunday was more difficult. I slept in late 'cause of my travels and because of the 1 1/2 hrs. of sleep on Friday night, and I was NOT ready to speak spanish when I woke up. But I TRIED. I met a few visitors to my host family's house. It seems they always have visitors in and out...I love it. My place is so beautiful...surrounded by flowers, and so wide-open to the fresh air...definitely a difference I enjoy in Latin America! And the roosters wake me up in the morning...I guess it does not matter that I forgot my cell phone in MN!
Anyway, I attended church with mi madre on Sunday night...beautiful, but of course tough. But I was reminded of why I am here. "I have come, O God, to do Your will!" (Jesus:)

Monday I began my immersion class. My maestro (teacher) is fun and not at all intimidating, so that's been great for the learning process. But class is still hard. I love the full-on spanish, though...I always struggled to really speak it back home, so I love that I'm forced to do so here. My teacher told me that, when it comes to mathematics, 4-1=3, but when it comes to language (speaking it, reading it, writing it, listening to it--the 4 requirements), 4-1=0. So true!
Monday I was totally overwhelmed with the language around me. I was so exhausted that I took a 3-hr nap. I couldn't get anything out in spanish, and I couldn't remember anything! Ayyyyy!

Tuesday was a new day, though. God spoke very clearly to me.
It was yet another tough day with the language. I gave up on it very early, as I ended up hanging out with 2 other (english-speaking:) soon-to-be-volunteers that are also studying here. There are 4 of us total, so I'm not the only one who is learning--YAY!
Well, I came home in the afternoon and spoke some with my host mom. I love talking about God with her...at least what I am able.:) We were talking and I heard a Christian song in english on her stereo...and I was suddenly excited to hear english. She then told me that she didn't understand any of the song, except the "Hallelujah!" part. In spanish, the word is pronounced the same but spelled differently. Mi madre (Cori) said to me, "Aleluyah--it's God's language!" Wow, it brought me much joy, and I needed to go to my room and pray. I turned on my worship music, and another song with 'hallelujah' in it often began playing on my ipod. I went to my knees and began thanking God for all the gifts of this place. I repented of my pride and of trying to do everything on my own. And do you know what He told me?? Ohhhh man, it was beautiful.

He said,
"This is our love story, Jenna."
Wow. What a dance with the Lord and Best Friend of my life. He has brought me here for such a time as this. He has carried me to so many places in this world, and we've had so many adventures together, and this is just another page in our love story. God is absolutely in love with me, and that is why He brought me here. WOW. In my struggles and sufferings, I am like Him as He was on this earth...
and we dance together.
He completely understands. And when I struggle, I become more like Him. We dance more closely together. And our love story grows more intense. When I suffer, I become more like Him in His death, so that I can know Him more. So that all that is in me that is not of Him can therefore die. Oh Lord, I want to die to myself so that I can know You more. Lord, please help me!
Gracias por este regalo, Senor!
Gracias por mi vida...y Tu vida!
Gracias por esta aventura!
Gracias por TODO...AMEN!
Aleluyah!

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." -John 12:24

LOVE YOU ALL!!

For The Joy Set Before Me...

God began a new work in me 3 years ago when I first visited NPH Honduras, and He will continue it as I begin my year of service there in just one week!

Here's what I have to look forward to: the food, the beautiful scenery, my boys in the San Francisco hogar, my godson, and just plain craziness!

I'm excited once again...by the grace of God, I wasn't nervous about anything today...whew!
I know I'll be leaving tons of beautiful faces behind...I will miss you all so much! Keep in touch!

THANK YOU to everyone who has been so encouraging and supportive along the way...I am beyond grateful for the many, many amazing people (like you:) whom the Lord has placed in my life...wow.


P.S. I'm still trying to figure out how to place photos on here correctly, so I apologize for the not-so-asthetically-pleasing layout.:) Haha.

Immeasurably More

Ok, so have I mentioned that God is faithful?
He consistently shows me signs of His presence, provision, and desire to do more than I can even imagine or conjure up on my own strength.
SO...here's my little story for y'all...
Well, I found out last Tuesday that there was a crash at the Tegucigalpa airport the previous Sunday (the airport which I was to fly into), and that the airport would therefore be indefinitely closed. I contacted my airline to see about where/when they could re-route my flight.
Guess what they told me?
There were NO available flights to use w/my miles.
Now, you should know that I purposely booked the flight that I did so that I did not have to pay for it...it was a pretty inconvenient flight, with 2 lay-overs and an over-night stay in Miami. And mustn't even mention the 8-hour bus ride that would follow my arrival into Honduras.
BUT...now there were NO flights available for me...at least without a big cost.
And did I mention that I'm volunteering for the year (which means that there would not be funds coming in to pay for this flight)? So I started to freak out a bit. Suddenly I was imagining having to pay an extra $400 which I was not prepared to pay.
I called AA 3 days in a row. Nothing changed. Still no flight for me, unless I wanted to wait until July 1st. And that would mean that I would not be taking language school. Ahemmmm...not possible, being that I will be beginning a job in SPANISH on July 6th!
So...I did my best to try to talk calmly to the receptionist on the other line (though I was really hoping for some sympathy).
Well, she finally decided to hand me over to her supervisor (again, not because I was yelling...crying, maybe, but not yelling...haha).
I told the supervisor my story...oh, woe was me!
And can I tell you somethin'??
Within 5, yes 5 min. she was able to find me an INCREDIBLE flight, WAY better than the one I previously had. I would fly from Mpls. to Honduras within 6 hours. AND my bus trip would only be 4 hours instead of 8. Un-be-lievable.
What another great sign of God's blessing and desire to give me more than I could ask for. WOW.
What was I so afraid of?
"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid." --Hebrews 13:6

Dios es Fiel

So...I've been thinking a lot about God's faithfulness lately. It's been really helping me get through these random bouts of fear and sadness...so I checked some things out...
The Bible talks about God's faithfulness over 100 times...wow, that's a lot.:)
And I was reminded today that the command to "Fear not" is spoken 365 times in His Word...one time for every day of the year. Suffice? Yes.
God has proven himself faithful in my life time and time and time again...not once has He let me down...and yet I continue to DOUBT. It's pretty much annoying, I've decided. But...I am only human. So I'm trying to cling to His faithfulness...and at the same time, trying to live faithfully unto Him in return. It's hard. The race is long. I get easily frustrated and try to do everything on my own strength. But His grace is sufficient.
I'm leaving the country in exactly 3 weeks. And every day I think more and more about those kids at NPH Honduras and how we'll greet each other when I arrive. It's gonna be SO "cheque!!" Cool. And it will only be the beginning...
God is good.
"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in His word I put my hope..." Psalm 130:5

The Countdown Has Begun...

Well, here I am, exactly 4 weeks away from a scary step into semi-uncharted territory...wowzas!
I'm a bundle of emotions rolled into one...sad, scared, excited, nervous, missing people already and avoiding good-byes...I just can't believe I'm doing this. I've always been told that God's plan for my life is way bigger than any box I could ever put around it or Him...and well, this trip really blows the walls out of any box I had ever put around the way that I thought my life should go.
Never would I have thought that I'd be an international missionary.
Never would I have thought that I'd EVER really learn a foreign language.
Never would I have imagined leaving everyone and everything I love so much at home.
Ahhhhh!
It by God's grace alone that I prepare to move forward on to Honduras...
It is by His grace that I will be sustained and find strength...
It is by His grace that I will accomplish all that He has prepared in advance for me to do.
So please pray for me. I need it every step of the way.
But more importantly, pray for the kids of NPH Honduras. I want them to know the love of Christ that He wants to lavish on them...that they may know that they are called His beloved children.