Everything and Nothing

Wow, life has quickly gotten very exhausting! My days are full, yet at the same time I feel so stripped by God. He has really brought me to a place of weakness in many areas...but I must glory in Him in knowing that His strength is filling the gaps...even when I can't feel it.

Here's a run-down of my usual schedule:

6-8 AM: Up with my 6 kiddos (ages 19 months-almost 4 years), shower them, dress them, change diapers, feed them breakfast, brush their teeth, change them into their uniforms, do the girls' hair, send them off to school...make sure to give lots of hugs and kisses.:)

8:05-11:55 AM: Mi descanso! A break for a few hours to email, eat, relax, nap, and just hang out with Jesus.

Noon-8 PM: Get the kids from school, change them out of their uniforms, feed them lunch, put a couple of them down for naps, free-time play, organize their clean clothes, change more diapers, read with them, outdoor play, dinner, brush teeth, shower them again, change them into pjs, say good-night, wash dirty cloth diapers by hand, get uniforms from the laundry room, organize dirty clothes for the laundry the next day, do any extra chores (dependent on the day), etc....

So yes, my days are full! And I am currently on a 14-day work week, because the Ranch will have its "Olympiadas" next weekend, which I will have to work. Ah, I love it all some days, and other days I really wonder what the heck I'm doing here. Many times I feel like I'm not using my 'gifts' (according to me, that is:), other times I don't see God in my day-in, day-out tasks (especially in those poopy diapers), and still other times I don't feel like I'm loving my kids or the people around me as I could or should...there definitely is no feel-good 'glory' in serving others daily with no 'seen' reward...and I am learning to try to glorify God in the small things...which, when it really comes down to it, are the things of utmost worth and importance. A life of integrity is the toughest yet most God-glorifying life one can live. I'm learning to keep pressing on when I don't see...anything. It's really hard some days. I'm used to those crazy relationships with students, parents, kids, in which I can communicate well and show my true personality...and in which I appear to see fruit...I guess "There is a time to speak...and a time to be silent."

Right now, God is speaking to me (for the first time in Spanish!) with one word...
"Espera."
Wait, child.

Wait for Me to bring you those relationships you are seeking. It is in your waiting that I will become Lord of these relationships. Let me ordain the relationships in your life, so that I can receive greater glory, and so that you may keep me King of these relationships.

Wait for Me to give you each and every word you need to speak in each and every occasion. Don't try to hold on so tight to what you are learning and what you have to 'prove' to everyone back home and here.

Wait for Me to show you My glory through you while here. Don't lean on your own understanding of 'your ministry,' but rather just wait...and glorify Me through it all...and through this you will see your purpose...My purpose.

Wait on me with your struggles. I am emptying you so that I may become more in your life. Trust me. When you don't see Me, when you don't feel Me, when you don't sense My strength...Trust me. When you have no one, no place, nothing to trust in or lean on...choose Me.

AMEN. So here I am...waiting...and the next chapter is the Lord's.