A Whisper Amidst the Barrenness

The nostalgic smell of the Honduran air fills my nostrils. The sights of the city of Tegucigalpa, with its ruins of poverty amidst both commercialism and corruption, are so familiar and yet still disturbing to my too-often-blinded eyes. The sound of the chirping birds in the early morning awake me to my comfortable room, with walls aligned with photos of so many people I love. The 5-minute walk to my beloved Honduran family fills me with so much joy, as endless stories of the summer pour out amidst tangents of ridiculous laughter. Ahhhh, this is home.

And yet, though I have recently left a country that prides itself on individualism and makes me long for the sense of community which is so vibrant and life-giving here in Central America, I find myself engulfed in a loneliness deeper than the roots I left behind in Minnesota. Perhaps it's just the transition and initial culture shock, but I also know that I don't do well with letting go. Over the past 4 years, so much has changed: fellow foreigner friends have come and gone, students have graduated and families have moved (or fled) to the States, and many of the children at the orphanage have dispersed, while endless new faces embrace me longingly as I walk the long, barren paths of El Rancho Santa Fe. And on top of it all, I am currently facing the reality of the departure of my one friend whom has journeyed with me through all of the highs and lows, joys and tears, and dance parties and sugar fests of my time here in Honduras. On September 8th, Dorie will return to her home country of Holland, and I will need to start afresh yet again. I cannot deny the fear and loneliness that I feel, but during last week's stay at the orphanage, God gently whispered (as He tends to do) a reminder of His very purpose for my stay here in Honduras, and I was humbled by my selfish pride.

As my well-worn Converse tennies kicked up dust while I wandered from place to place on the large Ranch I once called home, I finally arrived to the building that would calm my nerves, subdue my lonely thoughts, and restore my emptiness with His joy. Upon entering El Buen Pastor and finally the living area of Arca de Noe, I was mobbed with hugs and shouts of the many crazy nicknames I've been given throughout my time here by the boys I've known for up to 7 years. Crazy exchanges of silly looks, "cool" handshakes, and radiant smiles began filling my heart with His love once again. And of course the sheepish grin of my godson, LuisFer, peering out from his quiet corner as usual, eventually drowned out every other noise and sight from the entire room. I smothered him with a big embrace as usual, and his model-esque smile seemed to stand frozen in time as we sat next to each other and slowly began catching up on lost time. It amazes and blesses me to realize that a 15-year-old still relishes time with me and will even hold my hand. Our talks of traveling someday to his hometown about 10 hours away fills my mind with beautiful visions of the future that still awaits the two of us. After all of these years, more than ever, Luis is hungry for a relationship with me, his ONLY "family." Yes, I call him "hijo," (son) and he oscillates between calling me "madrina" (godmother) and "mama." And....we just can BE together. It's me and him, him and me. I've all he's got, and some days I feel like he's all I've got. But you know what? It's enough. It's enough because this young man needs more love than I could ever give him in my own strength. It's enough because he understands my loneliness and needs me just as much as I do him. It's enough because HE is the reason God called me here in the first place. Though all that surrounds me gives way, God has not yet removed the very heartbeat that drove me (begrudgingly) to this once unfamiliar place. If I was called here to impact the life of one child and only that child, that is enough. My pride needs to be stripped away, and I need to remind myself that is not about quantity but quality.

My visit to the Ranch last week, before returning to work at Academia Los Pinares, led me to reflect on the story of Jesus and the children. "Let the little children come to me," He said. For so many years I understood His call as a desire to minister to them and love on them. This past week, I began to wonder...perhaps Jesus requested the children's presence so that THEY could minister to HIM. I'm sure Jesus often ached with the same loneliness I feel on the quiet paths of El Rancho Santa Fe, and I'm sure that sometimes, rather than He holding them, it was they who held Him. His kingdom belongs to such as these....may His kingdom come and His will be done on Earth and in my calling here in Honduras. Amen!

A New Chapter

Well, while I cannot tell if my unusually profuse amount of sweating is due to the thick humidity in the air or my thoughts of an upcoming plane ride in the wee hours of the morning, I am certain that the shakiness that is making typing difficult only comes from the nerves associated with this looming country-skip. I've done this international swap SO many times, yet every time it produces different emotions and a reminder of just how abnormal my life is. This abnormality seems to be the cause of my frequent feelings of craziness and even alienation, yet I am reminded that, no matter where I am in the world, I will struggle as a foreigner, and my soul will never feel "at home" until I arrive at heaven's gates. And so I press on, always unsure of the path ahead, yet posturing myself with an assurance of His desire for my good and for His glory wherever He chooses for me to be His fragrance unto this fallen world.

As I leave behind SO many weathered, deep, comfortable, and amazing friendships, an overwhelming sense of gratitude comes over me. This summer was my most favorite YET, ever since my initial departure for Honduras in June of 2008, so THANK YOU to everyone who was able to share a moment, a laugh, a patio, and an afternoon in the sun with me. You have blessed me more than you know, and I look forward to seeing you again soon. What has meant the most to me has been a new, deeper, and profound understanding of the magnitude of support you all provide for me in so many ways. As the Lord continually teaches me humility, I am reminded to oh-so-humbly ask for your continued spiritual, emotional, relational, and financial support. Below are my prayer requests for the next couple of weeks and a reminder of how to partner with me in ministry.

PRAYER REQUESTS: The many cultural adjustments ahead of me as I return to Honduras. Proper time management amongst my work with students at the school, time at the orphanage, and time in my master's studies. Growing relationships with the many students in my care. That God would use me as the healing instrument He has called me to be. Granted desires according to His will and an increase in dreams and visions for ministry! HOW TO SUPPORT GOD'S WORK IN HONDURAS: Donate online with a credit card: Visit www.adventive.ca and click on “Donate now, US.” Choose the “Honduras A1 (J Jaunich)” fund. Or include the slip below with a check and mail it to: ACCI, 141 East Main St, Rock Hill, SC 29730 Project Designation: HONDURAS A1 (J Jaunich) Amount $__________ Your name or organization: _____________________________________________ Contact information: ___________________________________________________ Street City __________________________ State Postal Code ( ) - ______ - __________ ________________________________________ Telephone Email Please make checks payable to ACCI.