A Glance Back...

Well, the big landmark has arrived: I have been living in Honduras for exactly one year! At moments throughout the year, I wondered if I could really make it to this point, and at other moments, a year just did not seem like enough time. Yet in all of these, I can honestly say that the time spent here has flown by, and I have grown and learned SO much. I will attempt to share with you some of these moments of learning in this blog, although merely an entry could never contain all that the Lord has so gracefully shown me through my year of service, struggles, growth, and joys.
As I glance back at these God moments of understanding, hoping, and changing, I've gotta share with y'all the news of the year ahead...after much praying and waiting, and a bit of anxiety, I have decided to pursue what I feel is a calling from the Lord to remain down in Honduras another year! It really has been a rollarcoaster adventure, all of this...just 4 years ago I had no desire for international mission work, no understanding of Spanish, and no clue as to where the Lord would be leading me in a couple of short years. Now, following a year of complete immersion experience at the most difficult job I have ever held (and still surviving!), I will be embarking on new, uncharted territory...I will go from Tia to Maestra, serving as a middle-school teacher in (of ALL things!) Science to bilingual, Honduran students in a Christian school in the nearby capital, Tegucigalpa. The Lord just isn't finished with me down here in CentroAmerica...I'm not sure what He's got up His sleeve with this next step, but I am very excited to be working with a new organization but yet to be an active part of the childrens' lives at the Ranch whom have completely captured by heart.
As I begin my final month with the beautiful children and staff of NPH's El Rancho Santa Fe, I reflect on some of the many things these young yet well-lived souls, as well as the intriguing culture of Honduras, have taught me throughout the past year.

1. It can take an entire lifetime to truly make and see a difference...or it can take simply a moment.

2. Fresh fruit had never tasted so good as it has in Honduras: Five mangos for a dollar, and free pineapple, watermelon, cantelope, and bananas very week....heavenly!

3. Some of the hardest workers in the world get paid the very least.

4. The grossest thing I do every week is take out the organic trash, because dozens of vultures swarm me as I do it. Vultures are my biggest phobia, for real. We're not in Kansas anymore...

5. Some of the kids whom are the meanest to me actually love me the most...they just don't know how to show it and have defense mechanisms just like I do. And some of the toughest kids to love are the ones whom need it the most.

6. Things such as photo albums, rain jackets, and random necessities can be incredibly hard to find—in the center of the big city!

7. I have never gotten so physically sick in my life has I have here—and those moments can be the most homesick ones as well!

8. Classism and Christian denominations create a huge divide in this culture. And sadly, it's difficult to find a church anywhere that is doing anything about it.

9. I will never, ever again take the quality education which I have received for granted; those whom have received it are a very small minority in this country.

10. I oftentimes prefer spending times with kids over adults! I think I've re-realized this one too many times...:)

11. I wish I could love and forgive like little kids do. But I have not been as in love as I have been here...they have totally robbed every piece of my heart!

12. The solution to the worldwide pandemic of poverty is education...and Jesus. You cannot have one without the other and be successful in overcoming poverty. Young people need to know and understand that they have a lifelong and eternal purpose in order for education to have true meaning for their lives.

13. I've learned to exercise my creativity, which was dormant for many years...lots of kids + lack of supplies allows one to succumb to this! I've also been working with some of the most creative people I've ever met...it's rather intimidating, actually.:)

14. “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Paul, Philippians 4:12. I have learned what contentment means like never before, in many situations throughout my days.

15. I frankly and honestly do not support large orphanages; I believe that children need and desire a smaller environment in which to grow, learn, and receive love. However, the sad thing is that this large orphanage sometimes is the only solution to huge, worldwide problem of poverty, infidelity, and abandonment of personal responsibility.

16. The safest place in the big cities of Honduras are the malls—noooo!

17. Hondurans are the most beautiful people I've ever met.

18. Sometimes the biggest thing I can do in a student's life here is simply be his/her friend. It's amazing what a difference it makes in their lives to know that someone cares about them. And sometimes, one friend is all they've got.

19. The top foods I crave from the States are chocolate, peanut butter, goooood cheese, and fresh sandwiches! The beans and rice everyday just don't suffice...

20. I at last feel completely at home in the Latin American culture!

Mango Season

Greetings from the scorching south! The months of Mar, Apr, and May welcome the hottest weather here in Honduras...and I'm lovin' it. Everywhere I go, there are kids eating mangos, both ripe and unripe (and even with salt and pepper--blah!), the incredible noise of 'chicharras' filling the air (the insect in the above photo) and 'charramuscas' (frozen fruit juice in bags) selling like hotcakes from Casa Suyapa. And I've just discovered my new favorite fruit (aside from the watermelon and pineapple we eat all the time:)--tamarindo! The kids love to climb in the trees and shake off all of the fruit, and then we (ok, the kids and me, basically), peel off the rind, eat the insides and then spit out the seeds...my new Central American pasttime.:) (picture of tamarindo above!)

As you can tell, I've been really enjoying the culture of Honduras lately...what a blessing. My trip home to Minnesota back in March fared far better for me than expected. I worried that coming home would make it harder for me to return back to C.A, but the opposite occurred; I missed Honduras, my kids, and spanish, and since my return, I've been savoring the moments here. Of course I enjoyed my trip home (although trying Mpls. public transit for the first time and learning to survive a day without a cell phone nor hat and mittens proved to be quite challenging--go figure!), but I realized that I enjoy the contrasting differences of my lifestyle down here...the slower pace, less dependency on people and things and more on God, a smaller circle of relationships...He has definitely stretched me a lot here!

Lots of changes and events have taken place since my last post (2 months ago!). Each year in February the kids 'pass on' to their next home within the Ranch, dependent upon their ages. Therefore, two of my little 'chiquitos' moved up to be with the 'bigger' kids here within Casa Suyapa (tear!), and we've also recently accepted new little ones into the orphanage. Above are the pictures of my seven present little ones of whom I'm in charge! Sorry, blogger is not letting me move my pictures around right now...grrr!

Also, we've taken some recent excursions with the kids from the Ranch...my group of kids spent a week at a beach nearby, and both the group of older girls and older boys took two separate excursions camping at a nearby river. Lots of fun and plenty of new experiences with the kids! Holy Week here in Honduras is also full of traditional activities, so we kept busy with those as well.

My most recent leading from the Lord has been to be in (persistent:) contact with our busy director about pursuing the start of a new spiritual mentorship program for the high school students from the Ranch whom are currently studying in the big city about 40 min. away. For a long time I've prayed for the students here and for what I've seen lacking, but my pride and fear have gotten in the way (c'mon, this would all be in spanish! Not what I had planned!), until God's grace has recently intervened.:) I'm really passionate about this need I see for the students, and I am trying to be patient in waiting on how the Lord works it all out. I need to meet with the director again soon to find out if I am the 'one' for this position, or if I am supposed to bring the ideas and allow someone else to fill it. The scary part is that, if I am to fill this position, I would most likely need to stay here for at least another year. GASP!!! I miss home a lot, though God's grace has given me the willingness to stay here to serve these kids if He's called me to it. I want to be obedient--but obedience is so hard sometimes, va?

That being said, I will for sure be home again in August for good friends' wedding and to see my new niece due to be born in June, though only God knows right now if that will merely be a brief visit or a 'for good' return! Thus far, there have been no new job leads in spanish at home...vamos a ver!

I miss you all a lot and love hearing from you! Keep in touch and know I'm thinking of you. Check out my Facebook page for many more pictures of my kids and experiences here!
Lots of love, abrazos, y besos!

Ponderings: Humbled and Stripped

Hey folks, prepare yourself for some deep thoughts here...I've been feeling like I need to share with y'all the things (namely tough!) which God has been showing me throughout the past month or so...so hold on to your hats and be prepared for honesty...
Well, first off, God showed me something pretty profound last Monday—a sort-of culmination of the spiritual insights he had recently given me--in a very concrete, physical, hands-on way.
I was on the slow return home from my first vacation time here—I had had an amazing time traveling through Guatemala and Belize with 2 friends from home and my sister—and now my sister and I were spending a bit of time on the Honduran coast before returning to the Ranch where I work. It was a bit late, and we are two very tall blondes who happened to be carrying big purses with the words, “Guatemalan Coffee” written on them...and I was taking a picture of one of the night views on our walk—we totally screamed 'tourists!!' That's pretty much when I became an easy target for a mugging. It was scary, it happened fast, and I lost everything. I had been in the habit while in Guatemala of keeping ALL of my valuables with me in my purse, because I didn't trust some of the places we were staying, and we had been traveling so much that it was just easier to keep my stuff close to me. Well, when we arrived in Honduras, I should have left my things in our hostel, but I felt so much more comfortable in my 'home' country and didn't give a 2nd thought to my belongings. And so, yes, I lost EVERYthing valuable, to make a long story short. It was so hard to deal with this afterwards, and I was just scared and angry at the world. I don't consider myself a very 'materialistic' person, but I was the SADDEST about losing my (BRAND NEW!) camera with ALL of the pictures from our trip (and have I mentioned that I'm really into photography lately and my camera takes GREAT pictures??). I was left feeling so violated and empty and just wanted to return home to the States as fast as I possibly could. All I wanted was comfort and security.
And so begins the introduction to the theme of my life and struggles here in Honduras. It provokes the question: how would I or do I react when I am stripped of the things that are 'me?' Not so well, I've learned. A verse came to mind today that explains life here well: “Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her...” --Hosea 2:15
I feel like the Lord has purposely lead me into the valley a few times in my life to allow Himself to be heard amidst my tendencies to avoid or be distracted from things...and it becomes more and more clear while here that this place is another 'desert' for me from where I can learn more about the Lord's character and how MY character is SO different from His and how I need to learn FROM Him to become more LIKE Him...and it is when I become more like Him that I find true LIFE...but a dying, stripping process happens in the meantime.
ways I've been very humbled:
--I've learned just how much 'ME' time I like in my life, and just how crabby I get when I don't get that 'Me' time. Here on the Ranch, it's definitely hard to get away from people, and especially the kids here. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my kids, but when they are at my door so many hours of the day, I get pretty selfish. I always knew I was an introvert (though no one yet believes me), but this quality has been exemplified here as I struggle to find time to myself. Why do I need so much alone time? Yes, it's important, but don't these kids here NEED me? And doesn't my spanish greatly improve when I spend time with them---which is what I want?? It's a constant battle, and I feel very selfish in the ways I use and want my time...and things. I've always wanted to be a parent but wonder how selfish I would be if I actually had little rascals calling, 'MOMMY!' all day long...
--I've learned how much 'comfort' I long for...good foods, a HOT shower, money, my own car, my own language, friendships that are easy, ministry and job roles which I'm an 'expert' at, etc etc. I don't feel like I have much of any of these things here, and I am experiencing that 'grass is greener' affect which leaves one constantly feeling a longing for 'better' things. Some days, it just seems so much easier to pack up my bags and go back to my 'previous' life when I didn't have to plan to much ahead of time to obtain what I wanted, needed, etc. I don't necessarily miss the fast pace of America, but I do miss the sense of being able to do things in my 'own' way.
--It's REALLY hard to love day-in, day-out, no matter the circumstance and no matter the attitude or receptiveness of the other person. Yes, I know that I love my kids, but sometimes I feel more impatience, tiredness, or frustration than anything else. And sometimes my Honduran friendships here are so different than those in the US and I am confused by the cultural differences...and am often let down when I depend too much on the new friends I have. And when my godson, on his birthday during the party which I planned for him, said, “I'm bored.” and “The shirt doesn't fit me.” rather than, “Thank you,” I just wanted to throw in the towel and say, “Well, you know that I really didn't HAVE to do this,” and “Do you realize what I did for you because I love you?” And then I remembered how much God loves us when we're ungrateful...and just how ungrateful I can be...and how often I don't say, “thanks” and instead take things for granted. Ouch. It's amazing how God shows up and teaches us through kids, huh?
So yeah, I share these 'tough lessons' with the hopes that some of them can resonate with you and some deserts of discipline maybe you've been through with God. I feel very called to be here, and I see His beauty and purpose in so many things, but it's the 'non-emotional' things that at times make me question my effectiveness here and lead me right back into the Lord's arms...oh, to be so needy...it is a difficult yet perfect place to be. The more time I spend in a developing country, the smaller I feel...the needs of His people are SO great. Rather than feeling like I'm conquering the world, I'm try to just do what I can day by day...hoping to survive...haha.
But I do find hope, even more purpose, and encouragement in the way in which the verse in Hosea concludes: “...[in the desert] I will give her back her vineyards, and I will make...a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth...”
I sense some singin' coming soon.:)
Love to you all!!

Christmas re-cap

Greetings, y'all...I hope that the recent holiday season was blessed and beautiful for you! Christmas and New Years were already a few weeks ago, but I do want to share a bit about the celebrations here...and since there's still plenty of snow in MN, I'm sure a holiday re-cap for you all up north will feel a little less overdue than it feels here.

Well, in my last blog I mentioned our "Cena Navidena" for all of the kids in my house...and wow, that night was SO special. A fellow volunteer and I made more cake than I've ever seen in my life (each of the kids got 'triple' dessert that night! It had to be Christmas!), and we all ate pinchos (kabobs), rice, and of course fried beans outside beneath the stars and amidst all of the lights from the tree, decorations, and lit candles on the tables...completely and utterly beautiful. And, to close out the night, each Tio gave a blessing for the sacred celebration for the kids, as well as a reminder to SE PORTEN BIEN (behave well!)...these employees knew all-too-well the chaos that would ensue upon their exit to vacation time...haha....

Once the employees left for their 2-week stretch of holiday time, the madness truly did begin...lots of activities, late-night movie-watching, 'bajando los colchones' (putting all of the kids' mattresses on the floor to sleep all together in the dorm!), plenty of junk food, and of course a slackage of the rules and more 'tranquilo' discipline for the kids by the high school and college students in charge of everything. It was completely crazy and exhausting, but I really loved it. Sharing the special moments made me, as well as the rest of the volunteers, feel even more bonded to my kids, and I discovered my new love for 'turno' over-night stay with my kids. I did it for my first time and loved the snuggling with my kids for the night, so I volunteered it 2 more times...and have done it another time since the employees returned...and plan to continue volunteering my nights at the baby house. No, I don't get much sleep, but I love feeling even more like a mom...I thought my maternal longings would be put on hold while here and surrounded by SO many kids, but I was wrong...haha!

Well, on Christmas Eve night I definitely felt like a mom...we had a late night with the kids which involved a Pastorela (Nativity skit...very beautiful!), the tradition CentroAmerican Christmas meal of tamales, and activities in the courts outside. By the time we got the kids to sleep, it was already late, but the volunteers' night of preparing and placing gifts out for the morning had just begun. We put out all of their individual little bags of candy and little toys, the gingerbread houses for both sides of the house, the big toys for everyone, the picture collage of all of the kids, and the special illustrated Bible for everyone....and then we finally went to sleep. A couple of hours later, I just HAD to wake up before the kids to watch them open everything...so fun! And surprisingly more calm than I had anticipated...it was a Christmas miracle...haha.:)

New Years also was full of activity...a great dinner outside, a late-night dance, fireworks, and plenty of chocolate and candy. I worked 'turno' that night and was loving spending my new year with so many kids...it's never been my favorite holiday, so I enjoyed it with all the little cuties.:)

Overall, I thought I'd feel more homesick over the holidays than I really did...I think knowing that Minnesota was cold and snowy and that I was privileged enough to miss out one at least one MN winter in my lifetime made things a lot easier.:) I missed my family a lot when I talked to them on Christmas, and I did feel nostalgic after the holiday when my roommate and I prepared a very American breakfast together and listened to Christmas tunes and talked over candlelight...ahhhh. That definitely was a tradition I missed here...Christmas carols...they don't really sing them here, and when I went to my church for its annual Christmas dinner/program, I was shocked that the church didn't sing all of the traditional hymns we do, just translated into spanish...haha. But everything was still beautiful. And living with Germans made the festivities more fun, too....they really know how to 'do up' Christmas!

So that's that for my Christmas re-cap. It truly was a 'magical' time here...full of Christ's joy, love, peace, and beauty...and I will never forget the experience. I was reminded that God calls us to 'come unto Him as little children'...and I was thankly to experience the significance of that this Christmas.