Preachin' to Transition

You can preach to the choir, preach to the converted, preach to the wall... Or you can preach to yourself. And usually it's preaching to yourself that reaps the greatest learning. It's been happening for me since November. For my most difficult grad. school class to date, I was responsible for leading psychoeducational group sessions (don't worry about it) on the topic of change. We spent a great deal of time as a group discussing a concept relatively new in its definition yet familiar in its manifestation in our lives: transition shock.

By definition, transition shock is "a state of loss and disorientation predicated by a change in one's familiar environment which requires adjustment." While we experience transitional change all the time, it is rarely spoken of, and its symptoms are generally unacknowledged. But oh, are these symptoms many: feelings of helplessness and withdrawal, irritability, desire for home and old friends, physiological stress reactions, and boredom, to name a few. Because of the constant change that accompanies our lives, transition shock occurs more often than we are aware of, and there is a name behind its signs.

After returning to Honduras from the U.S. a week and a half ago, I started experiencing all of the symptoms of transition shock listed above. Because of the awesome time of vacation I had in the States, it has been my most difficult transition BACK to the country which I have cherished and called my own for 4.5 years. Soon after my return, the weeks of learning and teaching about such a newly acknowledged concept developed a heartbeat. So much of the information I had digested and then presented (with all the professionalism I could muster as a counselor, mind you) took on new life for me...breath was breathed on a personal level. I suddenly had to apply what I had learned in a real way.

Because of this difficult transition, I find myself at a loss of what to do...it seems I can only wait out the storm. Amid the myriad of emotions that are tossed back and forth day to day, I realize that I can but cling to my Strong Tower, my Life Raft, my Secure Anchor. And in this act of dependence, the beauty of faith is revealed. Sure, I could apply all of the methods and strategies given to combat this psychological reality of transition shock, but true solace and lasting peace can only really be found in utter dependence on something greater than myself. Trying to independently overcome this phase places all of the work and potential failure on myself. Dependence uncovers the impeccability of grace. In letting go, I receive SO MUCH MORE. No effort on my part can do what grace can. It's intangible, nonsensical, incomprehensible...and therefore incredible. And it makes me stand even more in awe of our great God.

In times of crashing waves all around us, the anchor remains planted. And in clinging to this firm foundation, we re-learn the gift of praise. Praise to the Creator of the storm, the Maintainer of the storm, the Refuge from the storm, and the Calm after the storm. And so I wait...and faith grows...and grace is revealed...and praise is birthed. It is well with my soul. And I don't mind preaching to myself.

"For men swear by one greater than themselves...In the same way... we who have taken refuge would have strong encouragement to take hold of the hope set before us. This hope we have as an anchor a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil, where Jesus has entered as a forerunner for us of the soul..."--Hebrews 6:17-20

What It's All About

It all began with a little 6-year-old's big dream: "I want to raise money for the orphans in Honduras."

And money did he raise. One thousand dollars, in fact, by means of a simple letter to his church. Ah, the innocent plea of a child gets 'em every time.:)

It all began in the compassionate heart of a 6-year-old boy whom I don't even know. Yet three other co-workers, a 10th-grade student of ours, and I all reaped the incredible blessings of this young visionary's heartfelt dream. We shopped all over town to find necessities and special gifts for 65 of the kids at the NPH Ranch. We then piled the gift bags of goodies into the car and arrived to my 2nd home, ready to experience the true meaning of Christmas.

Upon arrival, I graciously witnessed the first of the many blessings we would gradually experience throughout the day: the collision of my two worlds, work and the place where I left my heart so many years ago. Watching our student, Sara, fall in love with some of the most beautiful kids in the world, just as I did in the exact same place over 7 years ago, was so incredibly sweet to my soul. Here was another young person, there to experience my world, experience my heart, experience her own deepest passion, and eventually take her life-changing experience back with her to our school. It was an experience so sweet to the soul, and these matching smiles capture only a glimpse of the true joy they both found that day.

Another blessing occurred as we watched the 40+ kids, aged 4-9, patiently waiting for each of their friends to receive a gift before finally ripping into theirs in sheer excitement. The circle they formed was one of anticipation, and the reward they received for their patience exploded with grins.

Each and every kid became completely engrossed in his or her own little treasure, and not a single gem found in the bag was left unrecognized, unappreciated. They were entertained for so long with simple gifts that cost a total of around $12/each.

My co-worker commented on their oohs and aahs by comparing these young ones to his grandchildren. He told me how each of them would have torn open the gift and been uninterested after two minutes; these gifts, for them, were an overabundance and an excess, with the thousands of toys left unattended in a nearby room serving as obvious witnesses. These kids before us, however, these orphans, were receiving gifts that were full of love, full of necessity, full of His presence....and they just couldn't let go of that presence. Their echoes of "gracias!" filled that place, their God-shaped hearts, and right down to their very lively spirits.

Our final round that day consisted of visiting my godson's home and continuing to shower the older boys with love and gifts. These boys received their blessings quietly and returned to the activity their were participating in, but those that lingered truly graced us with His peace. They lingered to play with our hair (13-15-yr-old boys!), show us the purses and hats they had learned to crochet (13-15-yr-old boys!), and tell us all that they were learning in their vacation courses at school. The atmosphere was very calm, but His presence was just a sweet aroma through the hearts of these young men, still longing for the love and affection they can't find with parents, nor in a special home they can call their own.

The faces and the hugs of those kids whom I know so well truly touched the hearts of my co-workers that day, and I reveled in sharing my secret treasure with them. But the biggest treasure of all was experiencing the true meaning of Christmas alongside them...the act of giving to those in need. No greater joy can be found anywhere but in that very moment.

And it all began with a little 6-year-old boy's dream. We truly are inheritors of His great, overflowing, kingdom of gifts, and it is a delight to share this inheritance from our Father of Lights, God Emmanuel, Giver of all good gifts. It is in the giving that we truly receive. It is in the giving that we experience the true meaning of Christmas. FELIZ NAVIDAD, everyone!!

Here's to You!

To everyone who has walked a mile, shed a tear, shared a hug, prayed a prayer, and comforted me on a sleepless night...

THANK YOU. To everyone who's sent me snail mail and packages (especially candy;), written emails, and actually read this blog...

THANK YOU. For all of your words of encouragement, passion for the Lord's ministry down here, and financial support...

THANK YOU. Your support has provided blessed trips home to see loved ones, gifts for my godsons, resources and conversation starters for my students, and a spiritual and emotional strength that has been so needed...

SO HERE'S TO YOU. Here's to all of you who remind me that I am part of something greater, something sometimes out of my sight or reach....yet something that continually gives me hope and trust in my Great God. Here's to all of you who, despite the distance, have not given up on love or friendship.

IT MEANS MORE THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW! So here's to you--all of my friends, family, and loved ones who have stuck by my side through the mountains and valleys of this journey with my godson (now 15!!) and great love story with my King... I couldn't have made it this far without your support. And so, as I count my blessings today and always, I count you.

I GIVE THANKS TO GOD FOR YOU! May you all receive 100-fold of all that you have given me. LOVE YOU ALL! JJ

Piggybackin'

She's the little girl with the toothy grin and baby doll giggle. She's the lovable lightweight you just can't resist scooping up in your arms.

She's the 8-year-old beauty I first met when she arrived to the orphanage at the young age of four, her mom on her deathbed, preparing to leave behind seven young children in the wake of cancer's sting. She's the brave survivor who suddenly lost her oldest sister, her surrogate mom, in a tragic accident on New Year's eve nearly two years ago.

She's an orphan two times over, and while the scars speak through those tender eyes, life has not yet left them; She is a child of hope. She is a child of joy. And of laughter. And of endless love and smiles. She's my Gaby girl.

I encountered her on the Ranch just after mass a pair of Saturdays ago, and as she approached me and clung to my left leg, I swooped her up in my arms and squeezed her tight, just as I always do. And as I held her close, I felt my heart beat just a little quicker. That Gaby girl, she has such a way of doing that. And it makes my soul smile.

"Where are you going, Jenna?" she asks in her sweet, high-pitched voice. Well, I wasn't headed in her same direction, but love has a way of changing your footsteps. So I swooped her up once again, but this time on my shoulders. It was time to piggyback her to her "hogar," where I would drop her off for the night before returning to be with my godson.

The walk was a mere 10 minutes in length, but its memory has resonated in my spirit for over two weeks now. With Gaby on my shoulders, her arms and legs locked around my neck, and her lively spirit holding me up, we pickyback'd it together on the moonlit evening stroll. It was all child's play: I'd pretend to steer off the path, she'd tip over, and I'd make sure to steady her again. I'd twirl her around once, and her giggle would echo back twice or three times. I'd pick up the pace and "giddy-up" like a horse, and she would completely lose it in hearty laughter. Though it was dark, my heart could see her smile. And in those 10 moments, I was the happiest I'd been all week.

In those 10 moments, little Gaby filled the holes of my heart needing the innocence of a child's love. In those 10 moments, God whispered a sweet reminder of my purpose here. In those 10 moments, all was right with the world. It's amazing what the love of a child can do to your soul.

She's my Gaby girl. And I probably don't need to mention that she stole my heart over four years ago and still holds on tight to it each and every day. She's my Gaby girl, and I'd piggyback with her any day, to all my heart's content.

Where's Your Pulse??

The other week, I spoke with our students in chapel about the heart and how to guard its health both physically and spiritually. We performed an activity where we tested both our resting heart rates and accelerated rates and talked about just what these results signified. Sometimes one just needs to get high school students jumping up and down in order for them to actually pay attention...I hoped and prayed that it worked.

And so I want to challenge myself and my readers to keep our fingers on this pulse, as I present to you these questions: What is it that really gets your blood pumping with excitement? What do you find yourself doing that brings you to a bubbling-over level of joy (and even a ridiculous smile and possibly uncontrollable laughter)? What truly brings you LIFE, and life to the FULL (John 10:10)? Do you know what it is? And most importantly, are you opening up your moments, your dreams and visions, and your soul to opportunities to experiencing this touch with divinity?

A couple of weeks ago, I was abundantly blessed to witness this life-giving breath pulsating from the compassionate eyes, loving smiles, and giving hands of small groups of our 11th graders who volunteered to participate in our Stephen Project service trips to three different locations within the city: the public hospital, a school for the blind, and a local nursing home. Venturing to these places filled with desperately hungry, beautiful hearts and observing the “chispas” (sparks) constantly lit in the every movement and impulse of our students filled my days with overflowing LIFE.

Each of our students' pulses pounded with love, power, and PURE JOY as they were finally given the opportunity to ACT out the life of faith about which they have learned so much in their years of attending a Christian school. Finally, the years of head knowledge, memorized scripture, and weekly chapel attendances were being lived out in action, in faith, and in empowered love and compassion.

And I witnessed miracle after miracle as each student conversed, gave, listened, and loved each and every person in their care for those brief moments during the school day. Our students were transformed, because they found the pulse of a true life of faith: service. It is in the giving that we receive: "It is more blessed (makes one happier and more to be envied) to give than to receive."--Acts 20:35 And boy, did we receive in abundance! Talk about a fire hydrant pressure of Holy Spirit presence! And yes, we danced in the spray and in the giant puddles.

So have you checked your pulse today? Have you found just what gives you true life? Step outside, venture into the unknown, and MOVE at the impulse of His ginormous love. And I promise you will be forever changed. I, for one, am beyond grateful for and so proud of how my students have changed ME. And I hope they know it, because they make me want to skip around my office in absurd joy and thanksgiving. Life lived with Him is just that GOOD.

Hungry for Words

My soul is hungry. And when people say that, they're usually talking about a need for more of the Lord, His presence, or His love. Well, I'm hungry for His knowledge. Like never before. And perhaps I should first clarify that my soul is also tired. Not tired from service unto Him, not tired because of this endless spiritual battle that rages all around us, but tired of...well..."Christian-ese" and "Christian-isms." I'm tired of feeling like I have to say all of the right Christian things that a good follower should... "Hey, God bless you!" "Don't worry, all in His timing!" "He works everything for the good!" "Yeah, I'll pray for you!" (or not)

I'm tired of filling in the gaps with my own strength, my own aimless beating into the air. And I'm hungry, even ravished, for the Spirit of God to move in my words. I want HIM to overflow from my heart and mind and into words of KNOWLEDGE for my students. I want to be slow to speak (and open to awkward silences) and quick to listen to the Spirit's voice. And then, by His marvelous grace, I will be able to experience the power that moves when His Spirit is given the freedom to fly and move about as the wind. And lives will be changed....because HE is changing them, not me. I'm just a stinky rag, anyway.

So this is my prayer request for all of you. And my prayer to the Lord echoes that of David: "May the words of my mouth....be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."--Psalm 19:14 Amen and Amen. "...to each one is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. For to one is given the word of wisdom through the Spirit, and to another the word of knowledge according to the same Spirit."--1 Corinthians 12:7-8

Al Revés

Al revés: Spanish for "the other way around," "on the contrary," or "the wrong way round." This phrase most perfectly describes my most recent revelation of the calling God has placed upon me down here in Honduras. It has definitely not "turned out" the way I had ever imagined it would.

Upon my first trip to the country, at the young age of 24, I had the same inexperienced yet passionate and determined yet perhaps naive mindset that most young people share: I wanted to change the world. I wanted to save my sponsor child from his 'depraved, unfortunate situation,' bring him to the States, and teach him English (after all, there was NO WAY I was going to learn Spanish!). I wanted to love on kids from the orphanage once or twice a year for a week at a time, just so they could finally experience the love of Christ that was flowing out of a willing (yet ignorantly prideful) servant of His.

After living here for quite some time and humbly witnessing my many failed attempts at relationships with children and students from the orphanage, students and families at the school, and even personal friendships with both Hondurans and foreigners, I have often questioned any changes I have even made in my "dedicated service unto the Lord." I'm supposed to write home of the miracles, life transformations, and spiritual victories I have experienced as a result of my "faithful response" to His calling here, right? Isn't the crime-ridden, poverty-stricken, oppressed country of Honduras supposed to be different, albeit one individual at a time, due to my presence here? Isn't that the reason God called me here?

Perhaps. Yes, perhaps I have witnessed positive life transformation and restored relationships. Perhaps God has surprised me a time or two with the confession of a student and the outpouring of a healing love from an orphan. But perhaps these reasons are not those for which God has called me here. Perhaps, rather than sending me here to "change the world," He sent me here to change ME.

How have I changed? I've learned that the world and its many diverse cultures look hugely different than that of the U.S. I've learned that the U.S. is just as messed up (due to the sin that resides everywhere on this earth) as developing countries; we just hide our sin and shame better. I've learned to be fully present in every moment, which was so difficult for SO many years as I country-hopped. I've learned that, for so many years, I made ministry about me and how much I was appreciated, accepted, and loved by those in my care; it was not about His glory. If I never receive a single ounce of love in return of what I pour out, it doesn't matter; Christ IS enough. The Lord had to strip me of every "easy" ministry relationship in order for me to realize that, without Him, I can do NOTHING (John 15:5). I MUST become less so that He can become greater (John 3:30). I've learned that the Christian road is VERY narrow, and even so-called "Christians" do not dare tread upon it; the suffering is far too painful, the cost far too high, and the comfort far too sparse. I've learned to die unto myself daily, because "It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me" (Galatians 2:20). I've learned that, if God has called me here for four years simply to impact the life of a single individual, everything was worth it...everything. It's all about quality and not quantity. And finally, I've learned more than I ever before could even comprehend just how God has designed each and everyone of us for RELATIONSHIP--with Him and each other. We CANNOT survive without those healthy relationships. As His children, we need to stop running from each other (to sin, comfort, and our own pride) and learn to bring our brokenness to one another so that we can rightly restore humanity as the relational entity that it is.

So there you have it...God has sent me here to BE changed. And my prayer is that, as He changes me, through my weakness, brokenness, and humility, He will somehow change the world. I may never witness just what that change looks like, but it doesn't matter...El Roi, the God Who Sees, knows the work He is doing. And it's all about Him anyway. We just have to acknowledge that we all have it "Al reves" and need to let Him change us. Are we willing??